Is it possible to avoid irreparable mistakes that lead to the collapse of family happiness?
From childhood, we've known that all fairy tales end with a wedding. Folk tales prefer not to delve into the topic of family life. Wise people understand well that even the existence of loving individuals under one roof is akin to a rafting journey down a mountain river with turbulent rapids.
Is it possible to avoid irreparable mistakes that lead to the collapse of family happiness?
Professor of Psychology John Gottman and Professor of Mathematics James Murray, working at a university in the American city of Seattle, observed the lives of 700 married couples for ten years.
Careful observation and thorough analysis allowed them to develop a unique formula that, according to the scientists, can predict with 95 percent accuracy how much time spouses will spend together and what can separate them - only death or numerous challenges of life together.
The method of the American researchers is based on the analysis of conflicts that arise between husband and wife. To obtain objective results, Gottman and Murray assessed various intonations, gestures, and facial expressions on a specific scale, assigning them specific scores depending on emotional nuances. For example, a joke that could elicit a smile from a partner was rated as plus two points, while the negatively charged word "fool" was rated minus four points.
During the research, spouses were asked to argue about topics that were significant to them and capable of eliciting an emotional response. These topics included things like finances, sex, politics, and child-rearing. During the discussion, researchers recorded negative and positive signals exchanged by the spouses.
It turned out that the strongest couples, even during heated debates, showed signs of attachment. This included gentle touches, peaceful gestures, good-natured jokes, irony, and self-irony. In contrast, troubled couples used aggressive gestures and facial expressions, made sarcastic remarks, and displayed irritation and impatience.
So, what can be called the secret to a happy family life?
The ideal ratio is five positive signals to one negative. Observing this proportion guarantees a long and happy marital union. In such cases, partners do not lose interest in each other, and the family thrives on advice and love.
Moreover, the enemy of good relationships is indifference, where spouses argue without feeling or listening to each other. Psychologists believe that it is acceptable to experience sadness, anger, and frustration, but in harmony, according to the scientists.
However, these are not all the recommendations that psychologists offer to married couples. Researchers from various countries propose their approaches to strengthening marital relationships. Here are just a few of them:
1. Age of spouses. Researchers from the University of Vienna found that the most stable marriages are those where the husband is 4-6 years older than the wife.
2. Clear division of responsibilities in the family. It doesn't matter who does the dishes and who brings home the money. The main thing is that each partner takes on the responsibilities in which they excel and can rely on the other. This creates responsibility for strengthening relationships.
3. Regular communication with each other. American psychologist Alan Bergestel believes that to maintain great relationships, it is sufficient to spend at least half an hour talking to each other each day.
4. A sufficiently long pre-marital period. Research by psychologists in Texas has shown that the optimal "honeymoon period" should last about a year and a half. Couples who rush into marriage too quickly may face disappointments, while those who date for a long time may later experience a lack of trust and love for each other.
